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| found @ http://crs.uvm.edu/gopher/nerl/personal/comm/e.html
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here are some exercises developed that will help you practice you active listening skills.
1) minimal encourages (verbal and non-verbal)
2) questions, reflections, summarization
3) skills of self-expression: "1-2-3 pattern"
4) practice session on effective confrontation
the group should be divided into subgroups of three. there
will be three roles in each subgroup: speaker, listener, and
observer. everyone will take each role once in this practice, so
divide into your subgroup and decide who is going to take which
role first.
directions:
objective: the point of the practice session is to give each
person the opportunity to learn how to use verbal and non-verbal
minimal encouragers and become a better listener.
to the speaker: your task is to talk about something that is important to you: your job, your family, a decision, or a question. the practice will be more helpful if you talk about something you really care about, although role-playing is possible. you may find yourself in the midst of discussing something important when the allotted time runs out. if this happens, you could make an agreement with the person listening to carry on later, after work or during a break.
to the listener: your task is to practice the skills of the
session: eye contact, body language, silences, and verbal minimal
encouragers. don't panic! just concentrate on following the
speaker's train of thought. try to limit your responses to the
skills discussed in this session.
to the observer: your task is to observe the listener's verbal
and non-verbal skills. observe and count only as many behaviors
(eye contact, body posture, verbal minimal encouragers, topic
jumps) as you can manage and still be relatively accurate.
procedure:
the first speaker will talk with the listener for three or
four minutes. the listener will then discuss the listening
experience with the two other members of the subgroup. (to the
listener: what was comfortable? difficult? did you stay with the
speaker?) then the speaker will share his or her feelings about
the listener's listening. (to the speaker: did you feel listened
to? was it helpful? did the listener have any habits you found
distracting?) the observer will then share observations. this
sharing process should take about three or four minutes.
now everyone change places. have the listener become the
speaker, the speaker the observer, and the observer the listener.
go through the five minutes of talking and listening and five
minutes of exchanging remarks twice more so that each person takes
each role once. the entire practice session should take about 25
minutes.
when you are finished, form the large group. your facilitator
will help you share your practice experiences. how are these
skills relevant to your work? where else would they be useful? go
around the group so that participants have a chance to share at
least one thing they have learned about themselves in this practice
session.
source: interactive skills program: helping through listening and
influencing, hedlund and freedman, cornell university cooperative
extension service, l981.
form subgroups of three and practice using question asking as
a listening skills. each member of your subgroup should take turns
being the speaker, the listener (who practices the skill of
questioning), and the observer.
to the speaker: in the speaker role, we ask you to share
something that is a real concern to you. obviously, we are not
asking that you share anything that is very private or that might
be embarrassing. sharing a real part of your life, however, will
make this practice both interesting and useful. (and you might
find it helpful to have someone carefully listen to your concern).
or, you can tell of situations that occur in work--we all have a
storehouse of work problems that give us difficulty.
the qualifier on being "real" in the practice sessions,
however, is that we are here to give the listener a chance to
practice interactive skills. if you, as the speaker, take all of
the practice time in a monologue about yourself, the listener will
not have a chance to practice listening skills. so, be sure to
pause often to encourage the listener to respond, even though this
may seem a bit unnatural. try to share information that allows the
speaker to practice the skill of the session--the art of
questioning. if you give the complete details of your concern, for
example, it may be difficult for the listener to find anything to
ask questions about. or, if your story is completely factual and
does not include your personal feelings or opinions, the listener
may have difficulty asking questions with a speaker focus. as the
speaker in the practice session, part of your job is to help your
listener practice listening skills.
to the listener: in this session try to concentrate on asking
questions, reflecting, and, at the end, summarizing even though
this may seem difficult. you may use minimal encouragers
occasionally, as long as your primary responses are questions.
vary your responses between open and closed questions and vary the
focus of your questions (i.e., on speaker, topic, or others). by
using both open and closed questions you will also see how your
question and its focus can determine the course of the
conversation.
to the observer: keep track of the listener's responses.
include the number of open and closed questions used by the
listener and the focus of each question; note the use of feeling
and factual reflection, and the effectiveness of the listener's
summary.
procedure:
the speaker and listener will have a conversation of three or
four minutes duration. the observer can also time the
conversation, gently announcing "stop" when the time is up.
after the conversation, take a few minutes: first, the
listener will share thoughts about how they used questions; second;
the speaker will comment on his/her experience during the
conversation and the listener's use of the skill; finally, the
observer will share observations and comment on the conversation.
now trade roles and repeat the practice.
each listener practice should take eight to ten minutes:
three or four minutes for the initial conversation and three or
four minutes to review it--to share the listener's and the
speaker's impressions and the observer's reactions (l/2 hour).
when exchanging observations about a conversation, please give
the listener accurate feedback about how he or she used the skills.
if the listener is having difficulty asking open questions,
reflecting, or summarizing, say so and help him/her learn how to do
so better. remember that the purpose of practice is for the
listener to learn the listening skill. feedback and suggestions
from both speaker and observer are essential to the learning
process.
source: interactive skills program: helping through listening and
influencing, hedlund and freedman, cornell university cooperative
extension service, l981.
procedure:
the group should be divided into sub groups of three, with three
roles in each sub-group: speaker, listener, and observer.
the speaker should make a statement about something of personal
concern or role play someone who is troubled and seeking
information.
the listener uses active listening skills to understand what the
speaker is saying and responds with factual or feeling content, and
then checks to see that he/she was understood.
the observer concentrates on the person in the listener role,
looking for as many self-expression skills as possible (using first
person pronouns, factual vs. feeling expression, maintaining focus,
use of tenses, etc.)
the first interchange should take three to four minutes, with a
couple of minutes to share observation. if time permits the
exercise can be repeated twice, after changing roles.
procedure:
the group should break into sub-groups of four or five
people. go around the group, with each person taking time speaking
about some personal concern for a few minutes. the next person in
line is the listener, who responds to the speaker with a
confrontation. the group can then discuss the listener response--
was it a confrontation? was it effective? what was the focus?
what are some alternative confrontations which could be made?
after discussing the response, the listener becomes the next
speaker. move around the circle as time permits, hopefully
allowing each person to practice responding with a confrontation.
if there is time, discuss the use of confrontation as a skill of
self-expression. what are the possible risks in using this skill?
where might you use this skill in your work or daily life? how
could you improve your capacity for self-confrontation (not self-
depreciation). what are the benefits of confronting yourself?
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